Rosaries, rosaries, everywhere

 What worked: 

Loletta with the image

Repetition seemed soothing for Catholics (those who went to Catholic school) 

What didn't work: 

Chris recounting story of older nun who when asked if she wanted to do the rosary said, "No way, that thing is too damn long." 

What made us laugh: 

Hilda Colflesh Hippie Rosary: Bev,  "Don't forget to help her, hers is on her head"

You can't put some things back together again

You can’t put some things back together again

It was like we were in a snowglobe that night

The night we went to sing Christmas carols to Gigi

Oh, I love my Gigi

And snow

And Christmas time

When we got to the building where Gigi lives, I ran up to her window 

Gigi was in her wheelchair with her mask 

I could see her smiling eyes; she waved and blew me a kiss

I’m tired of no hugs from Gigi; no one knows when the hugs will return

The grown ups gathered around her window, chattering and taking photos

Sister and I began to run around in the snow

We threw some snowballs at each other; sister threw snowballs at the grown ups

Uncle Joe knocked a tree branch that dropped a mountain of snow on us

Then I began to make a snowman. 

I rolled the body, pushing the round cold ball across the lawn

I carefully set it up in front of Gigi’s window

I rolled the next one--sister joined me as we rolled the last one, the head.

The grown ups and some ladies at the building were singing carols while we worked

We finished the snowman’s perfect shape

Uncle Joe gave me jingle bells for the eyes 

One of the ladies from the building added her light up necklace to the snowman.

She said that Gigi would love having this snowman as her company when we had to go

My parents took pictures of me and sister with our light-up necklace snowman

I was starting to feel cold and tired 

but I was proud that I had made such a gift for Gigi

And then it happened

Sister knocked over the snowman, the middle and the head

I ran and threw myself crying into my mother’s thick winter coat-- angry, sad, confused

Someone was saying, “It was an accident”

The lady from the building ran in and re-rolled the snowman, 

Trying to fix my snowman with a quick, lumpy ball that was too big for the head,

Trying to help by saying, “not perfect, but it will do; Gigi will still love it"

But she didn’t understand

Nobody there understood

There are some things you can’t put back together again

Now I know in part what care for dementia looks like

 I return to this platform with hopes to record some of my lessons along the way before things become too familiar to remember they were once foreign. 

My education background: 

Happy to be home

The news that we would be moving back came a bit quickly although our general sentiment about wanting to be closer to family and friends has been growing over the last couple years.

Before we left Uganda, I was sort of expressing that I thought it would be hard on the kids as Uganda has been their only home.  The woman I was talking to said that when they left Thailand after many years, the "shock" of the move was greatly mitigated because they had moved back to the same area as family and the value/reality of being near family was intuitively a good thing even for younger children.
Anyway, I would say that we are finding that to be true.  Though the kids do miss Uganda and have had some bumps (anxiety, sadness, some bad dreams), they are largely seeming secure and settled much quicker than I was expecting.

Some photo highlights below.  Not shown are some great visits with friends this summer (Mehls, Anna, Jen and Joel, Ellie and her family, Gwyn--Lisa and Eddie, Christine) and visits with some friends on the horizon.  

A huge reason we wanted to be back: FAMILY!

We had lovely summer visits with my siblings and their kids (our newest adorable nephew came to PA this summer)

Some joys of being back in the homeland:
1. Awesome museums
2. Baseball games
3. Time with Grandma (and Grandpa but I don't have a photo!)
4. The "big city"-- Girls were going up and down the escalator near Macys.  Most shopping/arcade/glittery wonder is still pretty exciting esp for the girls.

the unexamined life

"the unexamined life is not worth living"--Socrates

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” 

― Søren Kierkegaard

So, this is where I am a bit in our current state of life. 

(Addendum-- in looking up the Kierkegaard quotation I found a gold mine of quotations that I love-- guess some day I should read more Kierkegaard.  I think he was my kind of thinker. :) 

I'll attach a round of photos that record some lovely things of the last five months.   We are settling in well all in all.  But I do find that due to the significance of the move, the surreal element of how this life relates to our prior decade+, the sheer quantity of details that has come with the move, and the energy that I've committed primarily to helping the kids feel settled, I am somewhere in limbo land of my own self-awareness. 

But, as per Kierkegaard's guidance, I do not want to stay in this mode for too long as I do think our spiritual life is very much tied to our own self-knowledge and our own development/care for who we are and what makes up our days. 

Okay, more specific blogs to come but just wanted to check in and explain the lack of my "unexamined life". 

Addendum: More quotations:

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” 

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” 

“The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” 

“The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed.”
― Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death

“I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations — one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it — you will regret both.”
― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

“The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you'll never have.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

What made Mary cry

On the last day of school (in April--we did one term at an international school from Jan-April), I was driving the kids home from Kampala.

Mary was reading the cards that her classmates had written to her.

She began crying, really crying.  Rachel and Daniel asked her why and she said, "I just feel really sad about something someone wrote to me." We all begged her to tell us who and what they said.  Sad to say, I joined with the kids in trying to guess and speculate who the person was and why she was crying about him/her.

She was very determined not to share with us about who and what had made her cry.

About six weeks later my curiosity could take it no more.  So at the breakfast table when it was just Mary and me, I said, "Mary, what made you cry on the way home from school?"

She still refused to tell even despite my efforts to explain that we could write a note back, etc.

I asked her if it was some of the expatriate girls in the classroom, asked if it was boy, etc.

Finally, she told me.  "No, mom, she was really black.  Like actually black."  I knew that this meant Sudanese as many Sudanese have gorgeously dark skin--more bluish brown than others.

I told her that we could write a note to that girl.  She explained that it would be weird to write her a note because she had a sister at the school.  I told her the sister wouldn't really expect a note also.  Then she said the sister (or maybe cousin) was also in her class.

Okay, yes, now I see why that would be a bit awkward.

"And mom, I won't see them again.  I could see Kayla Joy or Maya again (British and American) but I doubt that I'll see that friend again."

"And that is why I cried."

Yes, now, I totally understand.  Though I feel sad about fellow expatriates that we are leaving, and though I feel sad about the University community that we are leaving, I also know that the more chasm-like-losses are with people with whom we have a very everyday relationship.

We have learned here that one joy that is different from home is the very present way of being with people, the lower expectations to say and do just the right things, but rather the mellow sort of relaxed way of being with people that is primarily being present in the day in and day out, the sitting with people without answers, without the pressure of conversation, action, etc.  This very thing is the very thing that won't be the same when we leave these people of our everyday life.  And though I intend to write notes, and phone call, and facebook with certain people, the reality is that this loss is a real loss.

And its a real loss worthy of a good cry.  Thank you, Mary for the reminder of true things.

This was Mary's first friend at UCU Daycare named "Papa"

Some goodbyes in photos...

I will try to post a couple blogs of photos capturing some "last" things.

One thing that should be a "first" thing if I'm going to keep up with this blog is how to move things around and arrange photos and texts on the page.  So please excuse the execution of these photo catalogs of last things.

I've been feeling a bit remiss that I'm not putting words to the emotions of leaving but I think I've decided that many of those feelings and even capabilities to verbalize things will unfold in the coming year.  "We live forward, understand backwards".  And it is partly true of human experience and I do think part of what will clarify the loss and change will be the reality of being in the thick of the "new" life, new culture, new roles, new home, new routines, etc, etc.  I suspect that is where many "ah-hahs" come so for now, I'll try to be a bit consistent on documentation and save reflection for later!

And as for readers, I'll be honest that at this point I'm mostly recording these things as a personal journal of sorts as I'm not great at doing a written journal.

The beginnings of last things:

Last days at Acacia International School included a sports day where the girls won medals for their trampoline moves.  I can only say that is due to years of a community trampoline on campus!

Mary on trampoline

Rachel on trampoline

At Carol's birthday party--Carol turns 4

The outgoing executive director of Uganda Partners at a local ministry with a Uganda Partners team

At a birthday party for Kadin

Doing a slideshow of photos of our expat friends over the years

Easter lunch at Cissy's

Rachel holding Baby Hannah at Cissy's

Ready for Introduction--the cultural form of engagement/marriage 

Pre-wedding, waiting for the bridal party

The set of photos with Rachel, Lisa and Eddie are photos taken from a trip to Western Uganda where we visited our friend Vincent(USP driver for 10 years) and then headed over to Queen Elizabeth National Park.  The trip was a bit of a last hurray for this season of life at least with USP colleagues, neighbors and friends.   It felt like a lovely grown-up trip exploring Uganda.  We were hoping to see tree-climbing lions and didn't manage that but the scenery, the drives, the companionship and the general enjoyment of travel with friends was a real treat.

Hiking up from Vincent's house in Rukungiri, his rooftop behind us

Visiting with Vincent's family, his sister, mother and grandmother

Soon to come, some photos of last dinners with friends in Mukono.  One day Mary said, "Why are we going to so many dinners at people's houses?" And I said, "would you rather stay home with Dorothy?" She said, "Definitely not, I was just wondering." I told her, "We want you to remember and enjoy the people we've known in Uganda and see all the different ways that family live, host visitors, share about their lives and share together about the time and roles we've had in each others lives."  A bit wordy, but I am really grateful that the kids are now at ages where it is easy to bring them along.  So, I have some photos documenting that but will also try to capture some of the traditions that go with dining and hospitality in Uganda.