Style, sadness and parenting

A bed by Rachel Bartels

Also a bed?  by Rachel Bartels

So, my youngest, Rachel will soon turn three.  And she is a really funny delightful little girl--at this stage in life those qualities are mostly evident to those who know her well.  No charm for the outsider.  As a matter of fact, outsider beware!  But she is starting to come into her own by personality and interests.  Mary, her elder by not much more than a year, has always loved art and beautiful things.  But  in the last several months, Rachel has begun to exhibit a distinct style.  I feel that it reminds me a little of my younger sister's artistic tendencies.  It is less narrative (than Mary's).  She is very bold in her composition and color choice.  She is very sure of what she's doing and is very sure of what her picture is--- I think this may be a "bed"?  I'm enjoying watching her because her personality is a bit less the sensitive-soul artist (Mary and me) and a little more confident and bold and could basically care less what anyone else has to say about her work (a favorite medium for Rachel is paint or markers on her body--- I was in a bookstore the other day and realized how much a part of African art the ceremonial body painting is and can't wait to share that all with her later)

sad faces

complete sadness picture by mary bartels (the person on the left is very sad)

On a related note, Mary is in fact the sensitive soul-searching artist.  We were sorting through some art works today and I said, "what are these" and Mary was sort of giggling and laughing.  "Oh, these were drawings I did when you made me sad." Yikes, rip my heart out, my Mary.  But then, I thought, no, "you go girl, you should be able to try and draw and let things out when you are sad."The blue heart shaped picture is a sort of redeemed "sad" picture... I guess Rachel had "ruined" something of Mary's and then Dorothy helped them convert it into this blue heart, smiling girl picture. And I find this aspect of art-making is also interesting.  Mary can get very upset when Rachel tries to "add" on to Mary's pieces.  And then Rachel can "act" very dejected and then various tears and compromises and scenarios.  But I can see both sides.  I definitely think art is a sort of personal, individual endeavor.  But I can see why its so beautiful and fun that you just want to join in, especially when your awesome older sister is so earnestly working away on something.  I think we've reached a means of communicating about when a piece is "mine" and when we're working together on something.

A funny side-note on the sensitive-souled-Mary is that I find it brings out different responses from me and Mark.  While I do feel for Mary's woes, I'm much more calloused and aware that those of us with tendencies towards emotional melodrama don't actually want to draw in our loved ones each time.  We want to feel the angst of the world, the sorrow of our singular loss in that moment; but it will also pass.  And I'm grateful to my mother who loved me in various means and ways, but also told me regularly, "you can go pout in your own room."  I think that worked for me and I hope it will work with Mary.  It is fair to feel very upset right now; I do not want to tell you how to feel and how to process it but you don't have to do it in my presence. :)  I guess its sort allowing the intensity of the emotion but helping protect the one in that moment from either manipulating or blaming or stealing all attention in the room.  

At Mary's age right now, I'm softer than I'm sounding-- I am also trying to teach her how to communicate what is wrong so that we can help or deal with whatever is troubling her.  But I feel like she's mostly relieved to be ignored when in fact the issue is relatively trivial or passing. 

The funny thing though is watching Mark---he is much quicker to run to her and cuddle her and make sure she's okay.  And I think that's also great; perhaps I'm just tired of the dramas and she does need a little more love.  Perhaps our love languages are different and what I assume to be "training her in emotional maturity" is not what she needs.  A little love and care from dad and she also seems to perk up and move on with life.  And this whole process has helped us see that we all in our ways are still children--we have our "moments" and its important to learn how to verbalize them, to learn when to take time and space away from the issue, and when to be near and accepting and loving so that the hurt person can feel secure and loved before moving on.