Middle child from Mary's point of view

"So, being the middle child is the worst.  The older brother also bosses you around and tells you how to do things and that you are doing things wrong.  And the younger one never gets in trouble."

Okay, she's not literally in the middle of this photo but you get my gist!

That about sums it up.

And poor Mary is such a middle child that she will probably spend her whole life time not quite sure what she wants because its so wrapped up in pleasing her siblings, her parents and her friends, etc.  

Yesterday, she and Rachel were playing a game.  Mary was finished with it and started to head outside to play with her friends.  Rachel started to cry and despite our assurances to Mary that she could go out and we'd play with Rachel; she insisted that no, what she wanted to do was what Rachel wanted.

In another example, she said, "Mom we can never leave Uganda for good because we will break Dorothy's heart".  Yes, probably true, but not sure that is going to be the decision maker. :)

Sigh, the life of a people-pleaser begins in preschool!

Selfishly, I find it instructive to watch her and use her as a reference point for how I make decisions, how I factor in the needs of my inner-people, what level of acceptance to have (maybe its not weak to be a people pleaser if you really have more inner peace in making others happy), what level of self-knowledge to have (you may spend much of your energy/priority on others and yet have some "self" care/hobbies that keep your fire burning, etc).  

So, I'm settled back into life in Mukono with all the ups and downs of emotions that come in the first week or so of transitioning worlds.  And I hope this blog, along with some other hobbies are centering points for me as I "re-enter" our grown-up lives of parenting, working part-time, managing home, navigating community life (as an introvert), discerning our varying responsibilities to people in need, etc... My rule of thumb from ye olde Boundaries book is that "resentment" is the primary emotion that reveals a violation of personal boundaries.  And for a people pleaser who is not likely to have too many boundaries, I'm determined to keep track and perhaps instead of just wondering who/what I need to say No to, I want to work a bit harder on what I need to say "yes" to for more energy, joy, and meaningfulness in the midst of a full life of many responsibilities.