Study skills=Life skills

In my Psych 101 text book (intended for eager 18 year olds), the first chapter includes a section on "study skills".  

I had a slight ah-ha moment in reading the three main points: a. a schedule for study; b. a place to study where you can concentrate; 3. reward your study.  I realized that these are good points for study, but also good points for how to manage one's busy life.  We all have many commitments, decisions, plans, relationships, and tasks to complete in a day.  These three simple points are sort of relevant to managing and "succeeding" in of our responsibilities (workplace, parenting, community responsibilities, etc)

1. Mark needs #1=Schedule and Abby needs #2=place and rewards

Place: 
This summer I was with a friend who was a new mother and was also trying to figure out how to keep a work project that currently occupied a part of her home.  In talking with her, she and I both agreed that our physical spaces (especially home once you have relational duties that bind you to home), are a big part of our effectiveness and/or depression. :)

Ah, a little well-appointed home for them all!

In our shift to having a tutor, my primary fixation was "where are they going to do school from"? While I need a space, I find Mark can work pretty much anywhere and has supernatural abilities to "tune" things out--noise, temperature, hunger...

I would say via various "mommy" blogs, etc, that I wonder if this fits some gender stereotypes; seems that many mothers do fixate a bit on their homes, or their home organization, or their home being ready for various occupations within the house, etc.

Schedule:
Mark, however, is totally at odds until there is a "schedule" in place or an excel spreadsheet of when/how/who is going to accomplish various aspects of his duties.  I can't tell if it is by nature, or by the nature of my role as a mother of young children, but I find it very hard to nail things down too far in advance not knowing how the circumstances/happiness of important people will be at the time of the things that Mark would like to plan.  Either by personality or role, I basically want to set up a general framework/schedule but then adapt it in the moment according to the realities that are happening in the present.  At which point, Mark throws in the towel and feels totally defeated.

One example of where this difference comes up is when we are doing summer planning... He gets sort of OCD (in my opinion) about the schedule, especially months in advance when no one involved is even ready to commit to things.  And I get differently-OCD or stressed to spend two months without my own "place" that I can control, predict, order, clean, manage, etc...  Mothers and mothers-in-law, this is no reflection on you but it more a discovery that my source of control comes more from place than schedule and Mark's preferred area of control is schedule and plans.

Despite all my Myers-Briggs interest, I don't have all the personality terminology to predict/accommodate these differences. :)

2. Rewards
Needless to say, this is probably a more American version of study skills/life that we "deserve" and can expect "rewards" for every portion of work that we commit to.  But, that aside, I do rewards/pacing/boundaries/self-care (whatever you want to call it) can be an important part of making a sustainable life.

The other day we were driving and watching women washing clothes, cooking food, carrying wood, etc and Daniel said, "if you had a contest between Ugandans and Americans for who works hardest, Ugandans would definitely win."  The reaction of another child in the car seemed doubtful at which point I decided to chime in.  On physical, endurance, nitty-gritty level of daily life for the average Ugandan, it is true that Ugandans are physically stronger and tougher than the equivalent American.

But there is a mental toll to the educated classes (America, Uganda and elsewhere) that also requires us to respect the toll of our modern consciousness and the effect of so many choices and responsibilities that come with our opportunity.   This is not to really compare the two types of work, but to say that "rewards" for any kind of work do help make life more meaningful and sustainable.