Grateful

“Thou that hast given so much to me give me one thing more, a grateful heart: not thankful when it pleaseth me, as if Thy blessings had spare days, but such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.”

― George Herbert

My mom has shared this quotation with me over the years, and I must confess it is wedged in my brain, a regular refrain to return to when the days have seemed long or hard. 

Last night I realized was the second night I had not given any children medicine in what I think may be almost six weeks.  

And I'm grateful.  Grateful that they are well.  Grateful that we've had good medical help along the way.  Grateful that our family has bodies that are mostly designed to fight illness, and to win the fight.  

One part of living in a developing country where there is much less infrastructure and public care for people, is the humbling acceptance that many people will suffer, will not have good care, and do not have bodies/contexts that are able to fight their illness. 

I think over the years my response to this disparity has fluctuated--but in all the rounds of "why the world isn't fair and what are we to do about it", I always come back to gratitude.  Genuine gratitude, not guilt-gratitude. 

We take our students to Luwero to visit some local churches and ministries and there is a lovely Catholic priest who embodies Christ in a very holy way.  On Friday night he shares with our students about the sad and hopeless lives of his parish; the HIV, the lack of resources, the lack of good governance, poor education system, etc, etc.  When he's sharing, our students are gathered around a long table in a simple guest house.  As he shares and they are drawn into this priest's call to live and love his people, their questions of guilt and opportunity start to pour out.  But, what are we, white-privileged-educated-American-etc students supposed to do about a poor African village woman who can't take care of her HIV infected 8 year old?  

"Be grateful."  That is his answer.  What? Is that enough? What does that mean? "Stop complaining. Love your family. Love your opportunity.  Out of the love and gratefulness of your life and opportunity, share with others.  Don't serve for any other reason."  I am paraphrasing a bit, but I do think that this is the key to compassion, service, and responding to suffering (ours and others). 

I'm about to teach Compassion again to our students and Nouwen says, "To persevere without visible success we need a spirit of gratitude.  And angry action is born of the experience of being hurt; a grateful action is born of the experience of healing.  Angry actions want to take; grateful actions want to share.  Gratitude is the mark of action undertaken as part of the discipline of patience.  It is a response to grace.  It leads us not to conquer or destroy, but to give visibility to a good that is already present" (p125).