So, my friend gave me the book
Quiet; the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking.
A recent chapter, coinciding with a month of birthday parties in a context like Uganda, has caused me to reflect on my introversion!
First reflection: Lots of birthday parties may not quite be my "sweet spot":
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| Dressing up as Star Wars characters for a friends birthday, early Jan. |
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| Mark's birthday, mid-Jan |
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| Mark's birthday party game--wiffle ball! |
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| Dorothy's Jean turns 2! |
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| Jean's birthday--for all the girls! |
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| Rachel and Noll (and cousin Angella!) have the same birthday, Feb 4 |
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| Rachel's birthday pancakes! |
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| Rachel and Mary make cake with Amina! |
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| Rachel and Noll have their cakes! |
Second, a quotation on "sweet spots" (from Quiet):
"Once you understand introversion and extroversion as preferences for certain levels of stimulation, you can begin consciously trying to situate yourself in environments favorable to your own personality--neither overstimulating nor understimulating, neither boring nor anxiety-making. you can organize your life in terms of what personality psychologists call "optimal levels of arousal" and what I call "sweet spots," and by doing so feel more energetic and alive than before.
Third, the "unexamined life is not worth living." I need to taking responsibility for these truths in my life-- accepting what may be the sanctifying role of motherhood that cannot exactly control my "optimal levels of arousal" but also taking stock of what other parts of life I do have the power to control.
And here are some applications:
1. Take stock. Try to gage my stress and account for not prioritizing my "sweet spots".
2. Use my words. I definitely do some "kicking the dog"-- mostly Mark. :) What a lovely man. And he'll often say, "use your words". Get to the bottom of why you are stressed, who you've overcommitted to, what you need, and talk it out.
And here are few projected thoughts on this issue:
1. What I need now is probably not a spreadsheet for each day of my life until I die. As my mom says, there is no cruise-control. This articulation of the "issue" is good, but I need to be self-aware to reflect on this schedule, patterns, needs at every season because things change and I may have to adapt this according to demands on me at different seasons.
2. All my beloveds are different people with their own different "optimal levels of arousal". Whatever I need should not be projected onto other people, and may require varying "compromises" from important people so that every individual can have their needs met, pulling on different resources and options for that to happen.
3. As a Christian, as a woman, as a middle-child, as a people-pleaser, as a human being, it will always be hard to find the line between selfishness and appropriate boundary setting/self-care. While on paper, in the safety of my own head while reading a book like this, I can imagine a world where I'm super self-aware and where my self-care equals everyone else's best interest, but in reality I think all of us know that we can't exert this much control without consequences to our relationships-- sometimes positive and sometimes negative.
4. And not to add to the guilt-trip, but how American or "western" is this concept? When I'm at a women's fellowship in Uganda, there is no way that any of the Ugandan women gathered are exactly choosing their "sweet spots". Between the dozens of family members they are taking care of, the full-time work they are all doing, the lack of cultural context for "introverts", the lack of "silence" or individual time, money, resources, schedules, home spaces, etc, etc, I doubt that choosing their "sweet spots" is on the list for 2013!
