Sunday and some thoughts...

Sunday; I'm sorry for the lack of photos of late.... our camera has been on loan to a student  who is doing some "filming" work for USP (hope to include some clips or links to that later as I think my "readers" would like seeing what Mark's work is like)

But, sorry that I've not had current pictures of late.  So for now, writing will have to suffice.

About today: As I write there are lots of noises going on; mostly happy ones.  And Dorothy is here with her two kids and I think Mary is a queen somewhere and Rachel was a princess but is probably walking around half-dressed at this point.  Daniel is at his friend's house and at any point he and his friends (from 3-6 of them) could come circling around.

This morning I "dodged" (a Ugandan way of saying "skipped) Sunday school.  I have a myriad of reasons for skipping sunday school but today it was because we're between terms and the University students usually lead Sunday school.  So, I was anticipating some chaos--- relative chaos as it is always a bit overwhelming in number, noise, "crowd-control" tactics, etc.

Anyway, as I had just been at Lake Bunyonyi with Daniel (an 8 hour bumpy ride there on thursday, a day there with students and an 8 hour drive back on Saturday), he decided to stay home with Dorothy and her kids.  I took the girls into Mish-Mash which i thought was going to have some activities as per the email they sent me this week.  Alas, there were no special activities but Mish-Mash is a bit of a catch-all venue, a lovely lawn, a little play place, restaurant and art gallery-- so still not a bad spot to be with a 4 and 3 year old.

I ordered some lunch, met up with some friends who wanted to deliver stuff to me, played with the girls, and felt that the outing was fruitful overall.  In general, the girls life in Uganda is very much based at home.  Whenever they get in the car, it is a grand adventure.  Unlike our trips to the US, when antsy mom is very prone to many outings. :)

So, all that accomplished, we made it back with some groceries.  I visited with campus friend (who is moving soon), I finished off some grading details, and I'm hoping to get a bit of a list of what must be done in the next 3.5 weeks before we leave our home for 2 months.

One thing I trust I'll get to in the blog-sense in the next few weeks is a bit more summary of my "graduate" decisions, our decision for next year and a bit of perspective on life which is ever growing in light more "stability" in our life due to the ages of our kids and also I hope due to some maturity as it relates to our purposes, while in Uganda and in relation to the next season of life when kids will enter school and parts of our life will be anchored by their best interests--as we come out of the "valley of diapers" (Steve Garber).

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe (sp?)

So, our Rachel is currently into many "eenie, meenie, miney, moe" decisions in the day--which shoes, which books, which bite of food to take, which towel to take back to the bathroom first, etc.

And I have been having various conversations with friends about discernment on life decisions and the sovereignty of God in our plans and decisions.

And I can't help but feel these two things, Rachel's "decision-making" and grown-up-faith-based "decision-making" do overlap a bit!  Now, any major theologians who read this blog might just need to stop reading now.  This is not a treatise.  Rather, a mother's moment of thinking that in light of the biggest purposes of God, he doesn't mind that we are "eenie, meenie, miney, moe-ing" it a bit.  If we are thoughtful to incorporate other sound parts of Christian living into our lives (bible study, prayer, fellowship, good friends, good community, honest self-searching, honest openness to the Spirit), then sometimes we need to relax a bit about some of the "arbitrary" decisions.

And obviously, on a deeper, often more difficult level, there are times when we can't and don't know why things aren't working in the way we wish/earnestly pray that they would-- this is a quality of "arbitrary" that goes back to the fall, to the beginning of a world where humans chose according to our wills and needs and desires and didn't care for ourselves or the world as God intended.  And sadly the righteous and unrighteous are now victim to the seemingly "arbitrary" nature of the fall's consequences.

I'm not accusing God of playing "eenie, meenie, miney, moe" with our circumstances or our suffering. Ultimately, I think his answer to that issue is that he is with us--in all circumstances, in all suffering.

But this analogy is more related to our decision-making.  Like in Rachel's "eenie-meenie-miney-moe", there are decisions that are almost ridiculous in the nature of their importance and there are some more substantial decisions where a little bit of sense of humor (light-heartedness) may be the better way to choose a relatively equal merit decision.

What's this girl thinking about?

So, I feel I am long remiss in writing a real blog about my real time and what is filling it....

Lots of stuff.  :)  And I guess, blogging isn't making it to the list. :)

But, as I know I'm about to be busy for the next week or so, I thought I'd try to take ten minutes and give a little recap.

First, nothing huge or existential is going on... just the normal drum beat of family life, end of a semester (due to Mark's role with college students in Africa, my role as teaching/grading 11 of their papers), people leaving (a very good friend, a family, our normal neighbors who go for 3-4 months, etc), travels (mark gone for two weeks, now i'm going for one week), grocery shopping, house organization, schedule organization, planning for the summer, planning for next year, planning for the life when everything makes sense (I'm including a link for anyone who thinks of the future as when it "all comes together"
http://momastery.com/blog/2012/04/10/the-sun-will-come-out-tomorrow-but-its-also-out-today/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-sun-will-come-out-tomorrow-but-its-also-out-today)

Anyway, I realized in my blog-reading that one thing that is refreshing is when the writers are more emotionally "raw" or honest but I'm afraid that may not be my forte--in writing or in life.  I love the stage after, the analytical one.  But, I do think there is something more encouraging or comforting in the "blaagh..." part of our living.  And if I could, I would outline the day to day emotions.  But I'm not sure I know what they are.

My emotional update right now: Ambivalence. I feel the ambivalence of a season which is about to change-- a friend leaving; a school decision for the kids (more to come on that later); a situation here that was all "balled up" as my brother used to say; me starting a masters degree; a summer visit home with family (and I hope some friends! :); a growing sense that "the life you save may be your own"-- I'm responsible for my own spiritual formation and maturity; and generally a calm that things will come together laced with apprehension--"have i thought through all the angles, anticipated the right things, is this best for everyone that I'm responsible for and not about selfish ambitions, vain conceits?"....

There you have it, the best vague allusions to my emotional state and the things that are occupying my time!

Sentimental

I appreciated this because Mark and I sometimes have debates about "sentimentality" and I have felt at the end of it that I'm just too elitist and arty-litty on the matter.  But I think at the core have my critiques has been that sentimental things (movies, music, messages, etc) actually prevent people from engaging the "truer" things.  So, I guess I'm on board with this "definition"!

From Tim Suttle's blog, Paperback Theology

Sentimentality (my definition): softening the blows of reality by telling ourselves half-truths and untruths which temporarily assuage the nagging feeling that we are all living in a tragedy.

Sentimentality is what a sleazy guy says to a lonely girl; it comes off cheesy, but just sweet enough to distract her from the fact that he’s only trying to sleep with her.

Sentimentality is when parents continue calling tantrums and aggression “cute” or “a phase” long into the pre-teen years instead of doing the tough, right thing.

Sentimentality is Christian Fiction, Thomas Kinkade, Bill Gaither (not Gloria), Footprints in the Sand, modern worship music, soft lighting, precious moments figurines, Steven Spielberg, Barry Manilow, and the wedge which grows between us.

Sentimentality is the charade of pleasantness which is the mark of those who are afraid to feel anything deeply, so they feel everything just a little bit.

Sentimentality is when your friend dies and people insist on saying, “God knew it was the right time,” instead of saying, “This is bull-crap; death is the enemy, and it just got your friend.”

Sentimentality is when faith becomes the magic elixir we drink for every wound which keeps us from learning how to embrace the pain of being a Christian.

Sentimentality is the defense mechanism of those who are truly afraid to look.

Sentimentality is the surest way to sell you something you don’t need, or something which isn’t true.

Sentimentality convinces us that following Jesus will not require us to share in his suffering, and that of the poor in spirit.

Sentimentality is the oxygen of the dream world, and the poison gas of reality.

Sentimentality (not religion), is the opiate of the masses.

Sentimentality is to emotion what porn is to sex.

Music at Mish Mash!

This entry is probably a bit more for family who follow the blog!!! :) And check out the gorilla who joins Daniel when he's playing... that made a real impression on Rachel.  Whenever she asks about Mish Mash (a sort of arts/events place), she asks if the gorillas are going to be there.

Recent reading...

1. Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith crisis by Lauren Winner

My personal thoughts; the book at some lovely poetic moments but in general i felt disconcerted to be taking spiritual counsel from someone who has not endured the test of time.  But rather than re-invent the wheel, I'm copying this review (there was another harsher review that I liked but thought might sound too cynical--- my dad is worried about my cynicism! :)

An Amazon Review by William T. Barto:
Lauren Winner is a talented writer and a provocative thinker, but I do not believe that this book is her best work. The subtitle says the book is "Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis," and the author describes it as "an autobiographically inflected rumination on a focused spiritual theme -the theme of desolation and consolation," and acknowledges that it is "not really a narrative . . . the chapters are reflections." This is generally accurate, but to use the term "chapter" to describe many of these observations is a bit of overstatement: many are only a page or two in length, some only a few sentences. The author admits that "structuring this book was hard," and it shows - the book has the feel of a collection of blog or journal entries that have been bound between two covers in roughly chronological sequence. "Mid-Faith" is also a bit of a stretch, given that the author is in her thirties and is a relatively recent convert to Christianity from Orthodox Judaism (although Wikipedia tells us that she is now an ordained deacon in the Episcopal Church on her way to becoming a priest, notwithstanding her "mid-faith crisis").

I found the content of the book to be sometimes interesting, but usually when the author was quoting another thinker or writer. The author acknowledges at one point that her complaining "sounds tinny and childish," and that same tone is present in many of the chapters of the book. She mocks another post-divorce memoir (snarkily calling it "Masticate, Meditate, and Masturbate"), yet her style constantly - relentlessly - evokes that other work with its references to the type of food being eaten, the wine being drunk, the color of the dress she was wearing, the music that is playing, the piece of artwork being contemplated during the discussion with "my friend [fill in the blank - e.g., Ruth, Samuel, Molly, Hannah, Sarah, Phyllis - the list of names invoked by the author seems endless]" and yet none of these descriptions really seem to have anything to do with the substance of what it is the author is relating. The author's writing style was a distraction to my understanding of her content and it adversely affected my ability to benefit more fully from reading the book; all the effort spent to create a mood in the writing could have been profitably spent editing the book into a more coherent whole.

If what I have described still sounds irresistible to you, I encourage you to first read some of the other authors who have walked this trail before Winner and may have more profound insights on the topic. I especially recommend Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness by Kathryn Greene-McCreight or Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life by Kathleen Norris. McCreight tells the story of her struggle with mental illness in the context of her faith, while Norris shares the spiritual aftermath of her husband's death after a marriage of over 30 years. Another alternative story of one soul's dark nights can be found in Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light. These books offer substantial meditations on the crisis of faith and adversity, and also provide helpful perspective to Winner's predicaments.


2. Raising Global Nomads by Robin Williams

Again, I found this book pretty helpful though I don't think our life is as transient as the life of one who moves regularly.  Although I suspect she's a Christian, she writes for the larger audience and doesn't use religious justification for their choices and their struggles which I find a bit more generally applicable and perhaps cuts through the pretense that I can find among some Christians (none of my friends of course! :)

By 

Knowledge Omnivore (the Netherlands) 

Perhaps no life decision is so wrought with uncertainty and apprehension as the one to relocate your children overseas, whether temporarily for an overseas assignment, sabbatical or extended world travel or permanently as emigrants. Will we be damaging them? Will they hate us? Will they suffer academically, personally, emotionally, physically? These are big questions, and before Robin Pascoe's wonderful new book 'Raising Global Nomads', there were few answers.

Pascoe takes us on a wonderful, humourous and above all intensely informative journey with her family, and yours. Every overseas family will instantly see themselves in Pascoe's often moving description of her family's trials and tribulations in adapting to life abroad. Workaholic spouse caught in a pressure cooker? Insane academic standards -- in kindergarten? Worries about safety, hygiene, friends, family, communication -- for everybody? Pascoe has an answer, and a calming and reassuring word, for them all. She also takes a clear and accurate look at 'parenting abroad in an on-demand world', assessing the impact of digital and virtual living on expatriate life.

In her 25 years as a foreign service spouse, journalist Pascoe moved her family a dozen times to destinations as diverse as Bangkok and Seoul, New York and Beijing, and found the toughest move of all was 'back home' to her native Canada. Pascoe generously shares not only her own experiences, but also the results of her extensive research into parenting abroad, including interviews and contributions from psychologists, sociologists, academics, consultants and relocation specialists.

If you make only one pre-departure, or pre-repatriation, purchase, let it be this book. Make sure your teenagers read it, your children's teachers, your spouse, the family's employers and above all their HR department. And keep it under your pillow.....

3. The Education of a British-Protected Child by Chinua Achebe

I feel similar to this reader regarding the issues and the depth; but it is a good overview for the right type or reader or someone who has read his novels... a slightly more lecture style content.  Love the fact that the review-writer didn't know how to fix the stars... why do I think I'd do that!

Loves the View "Louise" (Hawaii) -

I very rarely find essays satisfying, but since this was Achebe and it was a library check out, I went for it. I was hoping to learn more about this author and something of Nigeria. There were a few interesting moments such as Achebe's meeting Richard Wright and Langston Hughes, his views on Conrad, travel in Africa in the early 1960's and his impressions on high level literary or policy gatherings, but on the whole this book validates my feeling.

Achebe is a master in developing themes. The essay forces a point and doesn't have the space for layering ideas. Essays work for news events, but there is not enough space to develop a theme.

These pieces cover colonialism, images of Africans in print and the historical record, the rape of Africa after "independence", etc. The book is OK, but Achebe's views are better expressed in his books.

Later - The 5 star rating does not match my review. I meant to give this 3 stars. My finger must have slipped. It does not appear that this can be edited.


4. Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry

We use an article written by Berry and several others in the context of our students being here in Uganda, questioning the role of Christian Colleges assumed "upward mobility" in educating Christians away from their home communities.  This novel definitely fits with that same message of the people and quality of life that is lost when children move away from home... a loss for the homeplace and for the one who leaves.

By 

Bea Rawls "B. O'D Rawls" (Whidbey Island WA) 

While the lyrical prose of Hannah Coulter was a joy to read, the story was at times plodding and long. Berry did capture the sense of how the dreams of a parent for a child is a two edged blade. Hannah and Nathan wanted and provided the very human dream for their off-spring - education as a means to a better life, but the very thing they wanted for their children was the means for them to fledge the nest and move away to a life distant from their parents. It was a good read, but not a great read.




Last thoughts: Abby as an informal Amazon reviewer? When our children, our students, or really anyone in our life mentions being "bored", Mark and I are genuinely mystified... a vague memory of a time when we were young and perhaps bored but now it feels like it could take months alone in a room with books and a computer before I could enter into that real feeling of "boredom"!  So when that season comes, I'll take on Amazon book reviews, but for now I'll just read them. :)