Leaving

One thing about living overseas, in my experience is that the expatriates around you are always coming and going.

And that's good and that's bad.

I won't go into details right now, but this spring will include more goings.  And the realities of these departures always causes me to reflect on the pros and cons of raising our kids in a setting where their friendship community is always changing.

Here are a couple conclusions I often come to when considering this reality of our lives:

1. Remember to invest in Ugandan rituals and relationships.  Attend fellowship, take sugar to our neighbor who's father died, try to invest in Ugandan relationships in more Ugandan ways (going to events that we're invited to; less coffee dates, more events. :)

2. Nurture the nuclear family; help our nuclear family (our marriage and our kids) relate well to on another.  Mark is a constant; prioritize time and friendship with him.  The kids will always have each other; help them be friends with each other.

3. Communicate with friends and family at home; the creation of this blog was born out of some coming and going conversations. Now that the kids are old enough we're hoping to be more regular in going home in the summers; for family relationships, for our nuclear family having that time away together, for connection to our home culture, etc.

4. Consider well and pray about what priorities matter over a lifetime-- for our relationships and for our kid's worldview and for their stability/confidence in relationships/community.

If I was cool, I would know how to have a list of "topics" that I write about that you could click on and link to.... but in lieu of that, I will say that this topic of transitions and relationships is a big part of my life-- and I can't quite compare it to what an American experience is, but i know it is part of our time in Uganda.

"winding"

The rains have returned.

The other night on one of the first big rains, Rachel said, "mom, when will it stop winding" And the woman who has been helping with the kids, Edith, told me that when the rains come in her home area, they don't come with the same dramatic winds that come to Kampala area.  I'm guessing that has something to do with the geography, proximity to Lake Victoria, etc.  But the first rains after the dry season do come with very gusty winds, lots of dramatic blowing things (our inflatable swimming pool was flying around the yard), and then loud, hard rains.

When we first moved here it did feel like we were in "groundhog day" with very little detectable season change.  But I suppose the weather, like a thousand other things, becomes more nuanced the longer you stay in a place.  And I like noticing now what blooms when, what the air will feel like, what illnesses we'll get in which seasons, when the leaves will be a certain fullness and color, when the fruits and vegetables will be bountiful and cheap, when the monkeys will roam, the ants come looking for water or running from water (wait, maybe we always have ants!), when the air has a certain nostalgic quality that you can't quite describe.

art class

the children who made the art

the art:

collage of pieces

by david

by david

by jacob

by charlotte

by jude

by daniel

by jude

by ellie

by charlotte

My thoughts about art and teaching art: we have a group of expatriate kids who live on our hill in Mukono.  and they are great; they are themselves little works of art running around.  So, i've talked on and on that sometime, i should try to teach them so art.  Yesterday, was day one.  And I wanted to teach them to get comfortable with the materials--mostly water-soluble things (water colors, crayons, water soluble crayons and pencils, tape, rubbing alcohol in paint).  The assignment was to make circles on the page and then experiment with techniques... In the process I realized that the water color paper was much more suitable for the experimention.  But kids were well on their way on their colored paper and the effects were still cool.  So, there you have it... circles, materials, experimentation, personalities, the wonderful world of creating!

I'M ALONE!

Woman holding a balance by Johannes Vermeer

I feel the need to rush and write this before it is no longer true. 

I'm alone.  In my own house.  And I love it!

Anyone who has lived in Uganda, and more specifically has seen our "state of affairs" will know why this is a bit miraculous.  Now I should qualify that Felix may be outside my bedroom window (which is why I pulled the blinds) raking dry grass and leaves.  And I think Steven is pumping our water tank so should I pass by my porch, I might signal to the gardening crew that I can be interrupted. 

But Edith and our girls went down to visit Dorothy at her place.  Daniel is at school. Mark is at the office. And all USP staff and students are on their way to rural homestays in the eastern part of the country. 

When I'm honest, this reality of communal life and "privacy, what???" is a struggle to me.  I have mostly adapted and accepted. I try to focus on the positives; praise the merits of having help around the house; having people who will watch out for us and our household, having friends, having a back up system, having neighbors and community.  A friend of mine who will be leaving this year is trying to prepare herself for American individualism, privacy, lack of communal identity, lack of greetings, etc, etc.  But in my tired moments, I feel like I could lock myself in a room for quite awhile before I felt that I was lonely and lacking for things to do, read, write, listen to, watch, cook, clean, make, etc....  

I know this is also a reality of motherhood; the constancy of people needing you.  And so I picked this picture to illustrate what  a quiet painting looks like to me, a corner alone... what is this woman "weighing" or "balancing"... When we do have those still quiet moments, what do we consider, weigh, and ponder?  

While I'm at it....Mom, which do you prefer?

Add caption

My mom asked if I'd help her make an African bedspread for their "guest room" in Sewickley.... anyone out there feel free to chime in but I confess I'll defer to my mother, the commissionee... And I'm happy to do commissions for others-- only very simple orders!

Mom, I could do two different sides of the duvet cover but i fear it might end up being busy or having some down-side.  Btw, you can just email me which one you like better---flowered one from Rwanda, geometric one from Uganda (both probably made in China or Dubai! ;)

Sarah, which one do you want for your birthday?

A set-up trip to Rwanda

My friend and colleague posted this description of our Rwanda trip last week; why reinvent the wheel???? Plus, the time it would take me to get the photos which are on her computer and figure out how to post them all, etc... :)

Anyway, we had a lovely trip-- let's be honest a bit more vacation than work with both of us being able to leave our "children" behind (she has 20+ students she's responsible for, I have 3 Bartels-in-need :)

So, thank you to Mark for your hard work in watching my children in need, and thanks to Gwyn, our other colleague(and friend:) who was the back-up for the USP students!

I'll share/write more later on what our Rwanda trip looks like when we take students for the "study" trip; this blog and photos is from a trip where we set up a lot of the details and programs for the Rwanda trip (a trip that we lead each semester).

http://goldengreenandblue.blogspot.com/2012/02/some-more-rwanda.html

Yeah, Angella!

Angella turns 3! Angella at her home with her mother (my sister) and their friends.

Almost one year ago, I went with my sister and Angella to their new home in North Carolina.  My sister adopted Angella last year and we've all been so grateful to watch Angella's life of joy and exuberance.

Although I by no means am adoption-blogger, our first hand experience in watching the joy in Angella's life and the joy for my sister in being a mom, is a testimony to the potential of adoption.

I've grown up with friends who were adopted and heard some of the struggles they face as they deal with questions of their origins, their birth-parents, their identity.  And I'm always struck with all the images of "adoption" in the Bible, that we are adopted as God's children, etc.  While the biological questions and the root questions of our blood are powerful and deep, so is the power of love that seeks a child, seeks to give home and place and family to a child who is lacking family.

While Mark and I have talked about adoption over the years, I feel very grateful that our family has the chance to step in as aunt, uncle, cousins to Angella--to support my sister in the ways we can in providing a stable and safe place for Angella to have family.  And from such a place of security and family, she may need to ask some hard questions about her family of origin, knowing that she has been chosen and loved and supported along the way.

My friends who've been adopted have taken those journeys and have expressed how all the more grateful for their adoptive families; for having been chosen and loved but also for the freedom to ask the hard questions of their origins and losses.

So, today, I want to express our best wishes for Sarah and Angella as they enjoy the 3 year old wonders--- I'm a fan of three year olds; they have gotten past two, not quite 4... generally a happy age!

Feb 4th-- A very special day

Three special people born on Feb. 4th:

1. Rachel Kay Ayikoru Bartels: Feb. 4th, 2009
2. Angella Namata Noll; our niece; my sister adopted Angella from Uganda Dec. 2010--Angella didn't have a birth date on record but was a similar age to Rachel so Sarah picked Feb. 4, 2009
3. Baby Noll (more names to come!); Dorothy's first son; Feb 4, 2012

We thank God for the safe delivery of Baby Noll who was born last night via c-section at a local hospital. Our neighbor, Jean Chamberlain Froes (a ObGyn from Canada) runs a program called "Save the Mothers"at UCU (look it up online for more info).  She has assisted in the birth of both our daughters and also aided in Dorothy's daughter (Jean, namesake) and last night came in time to discover the cord which was blocking the head from descending.  She made the decision with the doctor on hand to do a c-section which they did successfully last night at 9pm.  I'm very grateful for the medical neighbors we have here in Uganda who attend to the physical well-being of so many of us!  Am praying for all the young children around us that if any of them have interests or gifts to be doctors, they have the support they need to do such a noble vocation.

Birthday, Mukono-style

Rachel turned three yesterday!!!!

First some shots to record the birthday pattern to which we've grown accustomed... i.e. Mark saying to me, "isn't this basically what every saturday looks like except a bite of cake to boot?" Yes.

"helping" with cake, i.e. eating lots of icing

showing dad her card, "i like the monkeys!"

whoever invented bubbles is my hero!

she blew the candles all by herself!

yeah, playdough

thank you god for all our friends in mukono

birthday hair clips

present time!

So a few words about Rachel...

I've always been a believer in birth order though i know it can get thrown off. But having my kids basically confirms the theory for me... there is something about the baby in the family.  I think for many mothers, they sort of know this is their "last" shot for doting.  :)  And I think many last borns do learn to be more adaptable and to get praise through humor.  And I think their self-esteem may come more from the whole family system than just mommy-care because, lets face it, mommy care isn't what it use to be. :) Anyway, like my own youngest sister, our rachel seems to have that funny streak, a certain independence, much less drama-prone (though this could mean that she is just a mini-she-Mark which i've also thought possible)... Her proximity to Mary's age means she may have some traits that go with twins; but the most amusing part is that she'll try to copy things of Mary that everyone knows are "copy-cat" because her core personality is in fact pretty different from Mary.  

Although our family planning didn't include a third child, I think everyone in our family can't imagine life without Rachel and we look forward to many years of watching her become her own person.