Some days are like that, even in America

excerpt:

"When I went to bed Nick took back the pillow he said I could keep and the Mickey Mouse night light burned out and I bit my tongue.  The cat wants to sleep with Anthony, not with me.  It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

My mom says some days are like that.  Even in Australia.





Abby's version:

"When the kids go to bed, they have nightmares, and the loud cricket hiding in the waste basket in the bathroom starts chirping at four am, and Mark killed another bloody mosquito in our net this morning.  Steven said 6 rats have jumped to their death from our roof due to the poison we put up in the attic last week.  And our new neighbors had all their valuables stolen from their place last weekend.  And our intern also was robbed losing in her Ipad and her laptop.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

My mom says some days are like that.  Even in America.

Study skills=Life skills

In my Psych 101 text book (intended for eager 18 year olds), the first chapter includes a section on "study skills".  

I had a slight ah-ha moment in reading the three main points: a. a schedule for study; b. a place to study where you can concentrate; 3. reward your study.  I realized that these are good points for study, but also good points for how to manage one's busy life.  We all have many commitments, decisions, plans, relationships, and tasks to complete in a day.  These three simple points are sort of relevant to managing and "succeeding" in of our responsibilities (workplace, parenting, community responsibilities, etc)

1. Mark needs #1=Schedule and Abby needs #2=place and rewards

Place: 
This summer I was with a friend who was a new mother and was also trying to figure out how to keep a work project that currently occupied a part of her home.  In talking with her, she and I both agreed that our physical spaces (especially home once you have relational duties that bind you to home), are a big part of our effectiveness and/or depression. :)

Ah, a little well-appointed home for them all!

In our shift to having a tutor, my primary fixation was "where are they going to do school from"? While I need a space, I find Mark can work pretty much anywhere and has supernatural abilities to "tune" things out--noise, temperature, hunger...

I would say via various "mommy" blogs, etc, that I wonder if this fits some gender stereotypes; seems that many mothers do fixate a bit on their homes, or their home organization, or their home being ready for various occupations within the house, etc.

Schedule:
Mark, however, is totally at odds until there is a "schedule" in place or an excel spreadsheet of when/how/who is going to accomplish various aspects of his duties.  I can't tell if it is by nature, or by the nature of my role as a mother of young children, but I find it very hard to nail things down too far in advance not knowing how the circumstances/happiness of important people will be at the time of the things that Mark would like to plan.  Either by personality or role, I basically want to set up a general framework/schedule but then adapt it in the moment according to the realities that are happening in the present.  At which point, Mark throws in the towel and feels totally defeated.

One example of where this difference comes up is when we are doing summer planning... He gets sort of OCD (in my opinion) about the schedule, especially months in advance when no one involved is even ready to commit to things.  And I get differently-OCD or stressed to spend two months without my own "place" that I can control, predict, order, clean, manage, etc...  Mothers and mothers-in-law, this is no reflection on you but it more a discovery that my source of control comes more from place than schedule and Mark's preferred area of control is schedule and plans.

Despite all my Myers-Briggs interest, I don't have all the personality terminology to predict/accommodate these differences. :)

2. Rewards
Needless to say, this is probably a more American version of study skills/life that we "deserve" and can expect "rewards" for every portion of work that we commit to.  But, that aside, I do rewards/pacing/boundaries/self-care (whatever you want to call it) can be an important part of making a sustainable life.

The other day we were driving and watching women washing clothes, cooking food, carrying wood, etc and Daniel said, "if you had a contest between Ugandans and Americans for who works hardest, Ugandans would definitely win."  The reaction of another child in the car seemed doubtful at which point I decided to chime in.  On physical, endurance, nitty-gritty level of daily life for the average Ugandan, it is true that Ugandans are physically stronger and tougher than the equivalent American.

But there is a mental toll to the educated classes (America, Uganda and elsewhere) that also requires us to respect the toll of our modern consciousness and the effect of so many choices and responsibilities that come with our opportunity.   This is not to really compare the two types of work, but to say that "rewards" for any kind of work do help make life more meaningful and sustainable.  

Arrangements

As one of my friends said, sometimes the whole is better than the sum of its parts... here are some visual  collections that have caught my eye in the last month or so:

Play kitchen things and play sand box toys; an abundance of color and plastic and representative imagination

A collection of letters and plans; Mary's list for the day (translation: ponies, babies, swinging, art, trampoline, walk, chief participants Mary and Rachel)

Thirty eggs; a local way of packing them in dried banana tree leaves

Flowers, children, butterflies... a world of color and beauty in one corner of the house

Fruits, we're lucky to have so many local, yummy fruits

A market scene, the green bananas are the staple food here--Matoooke, cooked as a steamed starch that is flavored with soup from vegetables or meat or my favorite, ground-nut sauce

Back to school

So, we're all back to school.... Daniel is making major reading progress; aided by his daily assignment of "sustained silent reading"-- interestingly, we often hear Daniel doing his reading (not quite "silent")

Mary is officially ready for school.  She does UCU Kidscare Center (daycare through kindergarten) M-W-F and she does preschool with our tutor on Tuesday and Thursday.

Rachel and Mary are a package at this point; so Rachel does the same schooling as Mary.  So far, no real issues with this but obviously could get old for one of them at some point.

Mark's has returned to school; but in the role of the teacher.  He is currently teaching The Primal Vision which is a sort of trademark book that students associate with Mark as their leader/guide in Uganda.  I thought of summarizing but then thought this review was succinct and and gives a brief overview of the book for interested readers; http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/68119169

Abby is back to school--I'm trying an online Psych. 101 class.  I love it.  I can't believe all my ideas are written down in someone else's textbook.  But seriously, I think it the right sort of "growth" thing for me as antidote to some of my tendencies to feel stagnant or trapped.  

Warning: This blog includes explicit vomit content!

Despite my best intents of blogging, lots of throwing up going on here this week

"Now I know in part"...  What I don't know about throwing up:
1.  How much is too much
2.  Exact protocol on cleaning it up (remember in elementary school, they'd cover vomit with some brightly colored substance--probably disenfectant?)
3. Why my kids keep asking for milk when they are sick (Mark does the same)--the result is not pretty.
4. What time span is most contagious and what one can do to stop the spreading
5. Why Daniel prefers throwing up to diarrhea... I hate throwing up
6. How my many friends with months and months of morning sickness ever manage to have a second child. :)
7. Best means of doing laundry after vomit; let it all soak awhile in a bathtub?, then put it through machine--hot wash?

Okay, so this is my defence on why I've not yet blogged on Rwanda--and why I've not done a number of things this week.  But seriously, to my mom and mother-in-law and any other willing friend, I'd love a bit more advice on the "rules of engagement" regarding stomach woes and their clean-up.

And Lord willing, next week will afford me some time to return to "Abby's schedule" a much anticipated event of the last 5 months! :)